social burnout: described & prescribed (kinda)

“I ain’t goin’ outside today.” - NBA YoungBoy

Social burn-out. It's real and it's coming for you. I’m not talking about that burn-out that everyone mentions in response to careers, families, relationships, etc. I mean, in terms of being a small-scale socialite that’s your unofficial, non-taxable job title — if this is you, then you're probably tired all of the time. In more recent years, I’ve prided myself in being the social butterfly, not because of my zodiac (scales tippin’ on fo’ fo’s), but due to my embarrasingly, awkward personality and behaviors as a child. My parents would enroll me in sports and activities just so I would make friends. Thankfully, I’ve grown out of that stage. I don't really need recreational activities that I'm not good at and/or make me sweat to help me engage with my peers anymore (unless it’s the bar). Turns out, I was social af all along and now I can't stop. Slightly comparable to a drug? I love being social, hanging out, networking, dancing, eating and bonding. It fuels me. But my intense social behavior might also be due to my case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and because I don’t always know how to say no. As great as being social can be, it can also be very detrimental emotionally, financially, physically…if all things aren't considered. I'm no expert on these things, but here's my take and maybe you can find something that'll help you the next time you ain't really trying to kick it with your homeboy/homegirl. Let’s get into it…

Being socially active IS tiring. From the initial planning stages to the actual day of, there are several steps that have to be completed to ensure a satisfactory, Grade A plan. The never-ending questions: Are we going to eat? Are we meeting for drinks? Will there be people? Will there be thot activity or will I find a husband? There's the Yelp, Twitter, Instagram, and Eventbrite searches that we ensue which hopefully lead to a promising event. The RSVPs. The pre-sales. Early arrival. Free before 11. Cash only. That’s tiring. But then plans are secured, you’re committed, and it’s too late to bow out…or is it…?

Beyond plan preparation, though, there's the subtle art of “The Closet Purge.” What the hell am I going to wear? If it’s a brewery, I can’t pop out with a body suit, but if it’s a nightclub, I get turned around at the door for wearing espadrilles. Essentially, you have nothing to wear, so you resort to what was always Plan A: Shopping! But knowing you, you wanted to try The Closet Purge to give yourself an excuse to execute Plan A all along. I know you, I see you, I am you. If you’re anything like me, shopping is not like just a small thing. This is your way of life. A ritual. You need something new to wear because whatever is in your closet won’t suffice. You’ve got different clothes for different stuff and no two plans are the same, so yeah, you need something that's going to work for this event and this event, only. The effort that goes into finding the perfect outfit…it's a mission and social homegirls do not take that responsibility lightly. But of course, whatever sick ass outfit you envisioned in your head, you put it on, look in the mirror, and you look a mess. Where’s your red nose, clown?  So the wardrobe change process begins all over again and instead of telling the truth and saying to your friend, "I'm still getting dressed," you lie and say "On the way." Being the social neighbot has not only turned us into unnecessary spenders and Damon Wayans on Saturday nights, but also, liars.

Damon Wayans on a Saturday Night. See also: Homey D. Clown, “In Living Color”

We’ve got plans. We’ve got outfits. Here comes the plight we all know and love— the anticipated transportation situation. We’re not teens anymore, so no one wants to strictly pick up and drop off. Either you’re destined to be the DD for the night, a passenger, or in the worst case scenarios, both. So, as your own DD and your own passenger, simultaneously, in the same car, not only can you NOT indulge in the 17 margaritas you intended to drink, but you must fill up your tank before nightfall because gas stations are not a woman's best friend, you might be bound to get off on somebody’s wrong exit turning a 16 minute trip into a 35 minute trip, GPS your location and deal with artificial intelligence telling you to take an absurd amount of U-turns, possibly sit in traffic, find affordable parking, put your sweat glands into overdrive because you don’t know how to parallel park, perform a shitty parking job, confirm your location, find your friend(s), and then the festivities can begin. (Now, if you live in a metropolitan city where most citizens patronize a rail or bus system, you may not consistently have this issue. However, waiting on the platforms and accidentally stepping in pee can be enough to make you want to pack-it-all-up and head back to the house) By the time you reach your destination, your heart rate is through the roof, sweat pellets are forming on your nose, your shirt is stuck to your back, your wig is sliding just enough to see where you applied that NC50 Studio Tech on the net. You’ve exerted all this energy just to GET THERE. Being socially active is, indeed, an ultimate sport. 

It’s O-K to say N-O. Right, so, if you haven’t seen your people in a while then reconnecting and hanging out is probably a priority for everyone involved. I’ve found myself saying “yes” so many times that I feel like it has become second nature. I don't even think before replying. I mentioned I’ve dealt with some FOMO, but I'm learning it’s okay to take the bench a few times. Let’s think about the instant rewards of being a social benchwarmer:

1. hella money being saved

2. hella gas in the car aka money

3. hella outfits already in your closet aka money

4. hella sobriety aka money

5. hella time aka money 

We can all learn a thing or two about sitting out sometimes. But what isn’t so apparent when we decide to stay in for the night is that we have the opportunity to enjoy our own company for once. I think I speak for every socialiate neighbor when I say we can definitely hang but when it’s time to focus and spend time with self, we jump at the opportunity. Probably not as much as we should, unfortunately. As social neighbors, we can do a better job at purposefully creating “me time” and doing it more often. Friends and plans are great to get us out of our heads and out the house, but private time is a treasure. Be periodically selfish. The more you spend time with others, the less you have for yourself. That book you were gonna read, the show you were gonna watch, that SLEEP you were gonna catch up on, that meal you were gonna prepare, do that thing! And do it unapologetically, not worrying about what the night would've been or how your friend may feel. I think we look at “no” as such a negative response, but “no” can be the disguise for something we never knew we needed. Don’t beat yourself up about saying no. Nine times out of ten the friend on the receiving end probably needs a “no,” too.

The social scene is fantastic. I truly enjoy spending time and exploring new places, but listen to your mind and your body. If you feel like you don’t want or need to go somewhere, make that call or text. Your body, wallet, and wig will definitely thank you later. I promise you, the restaurants, parking spaces, and Tequila Sunrises ain’t going anywhere.

This blog post was written pre COVID-19. Trust and believe I’m itching to get out now. So, I might eat my own words with this one, but hey! I will be sure to wear a face mask when doing so. Be well.